Assalamualaikum,
Hari ni Akmal bagi korang cerita lawak tapi x tahulah lawak ke x?Hehehehe.............................


Customer : Waiter, do you serve crabs?
Waiter : Sit down, sir, we serve anyone.
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Customer : Waiter, there’s a dead beetle in my soup.
Waiter : Yes Sir, they are not very good swimmers.
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Customer : Waiter, there’s a fly in my soup.
Waiter : That’s all right, Sir, he won’t drink much.
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Customer : Waiter, there’s a fly swimming in my soup.
Waiter : So what do you expect me to do, call a lifeguard?
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Customer : Waiter, what’s the meaning of this fly in my tea cup?
Waiter : I wouldn’t know, Sir, I’m a waiter,not a fortune teller
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Customer : Waiter, this soup tastes funny.
Waiter : Funny? But why aren’t you laughing?
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Son : Daddy, have you ever been to Egypt?
Father : No. Why do you ask that?
Son : Well, where did you get mummy then?
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Lady : Is this my train?
Station Master : No, it belongs to the Railway Company.
Lady : Don’t try to be funny. I mean to ask I can take this train to
Kuala Lumpur.
Station Master : No Madam, I’m afraid it’s too heavy.
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Teacher : Peter, why are you late for school again?
Peter : Well, Miss, I dreamed that I was playing football and the
game went into extra time.
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Wife : Do you want dinner?
Husband : Sure, what are my choices?
Wife : Yes and no.
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A drunkard was brought to court. Just before the trial there was a
commotion in the gallery. The judge pounded the gravel on his table
and shouted, “Order, order.” The drunkard immediately responded,
“Thank you, your honour, I’ll have a scotch and soda.”
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Customer : If I post this letter tonight, will it get to Penang in
two days time?
Post Master : Well it might do.
Customer : I bet you, it won’t.
Post Master : Why not?
Customer : It’s addressed to Johor.
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An absent-minded man went to see a psychiatrist.
‘My trouble is,’ he said, ‘that I keep forgetting things.’
‘How long has this been going on?’ asked the psychiatrist.
‘How long has what been going on?’ said the man.
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Girl : Do you love me?
Boy : Yes Dear.
Girl : Would you die for me?
Boy : No, mine is undying love.
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1st thief : Oh ! The police is here. Quick! Jump out of the window!
2nd thief : But this is the 13th floor.
1st thief : Hurry! this is no time for superstitions.
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Man : How old is your father?
Boy : As old as me.
Man : How can that be?
Boy : He became a father only when I was born.
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Teacher : Correct the sentence, “A bull and a cow is grazing in the
field”
Student : A cow and a bull is grazing in the field
Teacher : How?
Student : Ladies first.
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Waiter : I’ve stewed liver, boiled tongue and frog’s leg.
Customer : Don’t tell me your problems. Give the menu
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Assalamualaikum,

PESAWAT penerbangan Thailand, Thai Airways terpaksa menghentikan operasi di Lapangan Terbang Don Muang berikutan landasan dinaiki air.

Lapangan terbang Don Muang ditenggelami air, mangsa dapat perlindungan kena pindah

BANGKOK: Banjir dilaporkan menghampiri terminal di Lapangan Terbang Don Muang, lapangan terbang kedua terbesar di ibu negara Thailand semalam memaksa mereka yang mendapatkan perlindungan di situ berpindah berikutan amaran beberapa bahagian Bangkok mungkin ditenggelami air sedalam 1.5 meter.

Banjir di lapangan terbang itu yang digunakan untuk penerbangan domestik, adalah tamparan kepada kerajaan dalam usaha menghalang Bangkok daripada tenggelam akibat banjir. Penutupannya semakin mengurangkan keyakinan umum terhadap keupayaan pentadbiran Perdana Menteri, Yingluck Shinawatra untuk mempertahankan bandar raya yang didiami sembilan juta penduduk itu.

Sehingga pagi semalam, lebih 1,000 orang yang berlindung di sana terpaksa berpindah berikutan air terus memenuhi sekitar terminal.

Lapangan Terbang Suvarnabhumi, Bangkok, pintu masuk antarabangsa utama belum lagi terjejas dengan banjir dan penerbangan masih beroperasi seperti biasa. Kebanyakan kawasan di bandar raya itu belum terjejas dengan banjir, walaupun air botol minuman dan bekalan kecemasan lain dilaporkan berkurangan.

Kerajaan Yingluck mengisytiharkan cuti umum selama lima hari Selasa lalu di kawasan terjejas termasuk Bangkok manakala Kementerian Pendidikan mengarahkan sekolah ditutup sehingga 7 November. Gabenor Bangkok, Sukhum-bhand Paribatra meminta mereka yang tidak perlu berada di bandar raya itu supaya keluar dan meninggalkannya Bangkok.

Perdana menteri dalam satu ucapan disiarkan televisyen Selasa lalu memberi amaran tekanan banjir akan menolak hiliran ke dalam bandar yang bergabung dengan air pasang surut bulanan tinggi pada hari Jumaat dan Sabtu boleh menjejaskan dinding banjir diperkukuh dan benteng yang melindungi bandar raya itu.

“Ia boleh mengakibatkan banjir sehingga 1.5 meter di kawasan rendah di bandar raya itu,” katanya.
Sukhumbhand berkata ibu negara itu tidak dapat mengelak daripada banjir dan memberi amaran kepada penduduknya di sebanyak 13 daerah di Sungai Chao Phraya, sungai terbesar di bandar raya itu supaya bersiap sedia.

Banjir di Lapangan Terbang Don Muang menjadi simbol bahawa negara Asia Tenggara itu berhadapan dengan krisis semakin teruk, yang menyaksikan satu pertiga daripada negara itu sudah ditenggelami banjir dan membunuh 373 penduduk sejak tiga bulan lalu.

Lapangan terbang itu juga turut menempatkan pusat operasi bantuan banjir kerajaan dan satu daripada terminalnya diubah suai kepada pusat perlindungan menempatkan 4,000 penduduk yang men-cari perlindungan.

Seorang pekerja kerajaan yang berlindung di sana sejak tiga minggu lalu Somboon Klinchanhom, 43, bersiap sedia untuk berpindah pada Selasa selepas kerajaan berkata terminal itu mungkin menjadi terlalu sesak.

“Saya sangkakan ia akan selamat dan dilindungi,” kata Somboon mengenai lapangan terbang itu sambil mengemaskan barangan miliknya semula.

Pusat banjir kerajaan tetap berada di lapangan terbang terbabit setakat ini berikutan ia mudah dihubungi oleh jalan raya, kata jurucakap Wim Rungwattanajinda. – AP